They may not have received your message. Im sure by now you already know the answer, but heres further reinforcement, just incase. That’s why I’m wondering if maybe I should just leave it be and move on. This is only my second official relationship I've had in my adult life, and the other one ended in no contact as well, however that one ended on bad terms. You gotta make sure you give yourself enough time to heal, and to heal properly at that. Eventually, I tried to open communication again, and we talked for a few days, everything was going well but eventually it all went to shit when some things in our history came up. he said he wants me to approach him and talk confidently and not feel negative about myself but when i try to go up to him it feels like he wants to walk away. At the moment, I want nothing to do with my ex. Believe me, you may have to 'fake it till you make it' at the start, but now I''m quite possibly the happiest I've ever been in my life. Though they may not want to look awkward around you, … Whenever we broke up he if he felt like there was anything to say he would contact me in a couple weeks. For example: 3 common mistakes guys make are… 1. So, if you know nothing about their love life, there’s a reason why. Whats the point of staying in contact with someone who no longer sees you as someone worthy to commit too. If you’re looking for signs your ex will eventually come back, you’re just in the right place! Follow. I asked her if she doesn’t even I know I need time apart from him with no contact because I need to get over him, but the thought of absolutely never speaking to him again makes me sick to my stomach. He wants me to finish college, and do all of my personal goals in life to be happy. 15 Biggest Signs Your Ex Doesn’t Want You Back ; If a Man Behaves Like That, He Defin­itely Likes You. Hearing a woman say, “You have no chance with me anymore.It’s really over between us, so please just move on,” can easily make a guy believe that getting her back is a lost cause and that her feelings will never, ever change. I just don’t know how it’s so easy for him to not contact me. There’s gotta be a set of ground rules each of you is willing to follow in order to make it so no one gets hurt. Cut off contact . You take care”. The point is talking to an ex is possible, but a few things have to happen. There’s nothing inherently wrong with these behaviors, but they can lead to a lot of confusion and further heartbreak. He is the reason you two are not together. I'm just over a few months post break up and all I can say is this: You may feel like not talking to him is a crappy feeling, and it really is, but over time you may start to realize certain things here and there. It was so hard to say goodbye, knowing that was the last time I would see or hear from him again. I don’t know how guys deal with breakups, but it always seems way too easy for them to move on quickly while I’m left wallowing in my own self pity. And I can distinctly remember walking away from the last such event with the thought, "She has no idea that this is the last time we will ever see or speak to each other.". Although it’ll take me awhile to get over him romantically, I wouldn’t mind getting to the point where we could have normal conversation. We can't predict the future, and maybe one day you two will talk again or come back together again. It doesn't have to happen that way, but it often does. We spent a lot of nights just talking to each other about our life and our struggles. Because I didn’t want the guy I still had feelings for to see I was taken. Girl ur 30 you need to find a provider to marry this is a bunch of bullshit plz tell him to fuck off, More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. So find comfort in that. It’s officially over and half of me wants to be friends, the other half does not. Consider this somewhat of a blessing on your new path in life. Not sure if that’s a comforting thought or not, but maybe someday some form of friendship or at least some low-level contact might happen. But of course, I redeveloped feelings for him, which I told him about. Knowing if your ex boyfriend cares for you still is not an easy thing to decipher. It's a two-way street right now as you negotiate a new "post-relationship" relationship. Unfortunately I have a feeling he will ghost me and never speak to me again. This was also his first relationship so there was a lot for him to still learn. If it helps you, focus on the here and now. The other thing is, don’t forget to work on yourself. I’ll check that out. Live the life you've always wanted -- the one you may have put on the back-burner for your ex. I appreciate his honesty in all this and I know I made some stupid moves and know 100% now that this is not the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with, but he is still one of close friends and I still want to be able to talk to him and hang out as friends. I'm not sure if you want to hear this, but maybe what I have to say will help. I was really sad but was supportive of his decision. From there, there's a friendship that develops. When people lose their individuality, become codependent, and stop taking care of themselves and the things they love to do… [Read: 16 clear signs your ex still wants you back in their life] #15 They do things that you wanted to do. Why? It's really the only thing I've noticed that's made it better. When you’re distracted, you’re not thinking about them, and that’s important in the healing process. Anyone would want the pain of that to stop. I could be wrong, maybe he just hides his feelings better but I am so anxious holding back texting him because I miss him already :(. Let your ex see how happy you are without them. My ex (M 27) and I (F 30) are close friends that have been on and off for 3 years. So trust me when I say DO NOT tell them you miss them, you love them, or you want them to come back to you. Best solution is to take it day by day and look forward to what's coming next. With that being said, some do reconcile, and if there are kids, house, etc involved or marriage, then some sort of "peace" is usually achieved for the sake of the former family unit. We want them to bow and scrape and rue the day that they ever hurt us. There are many reasons why an ex may not respond to your first or even second contact. kolo420. You gotta do what's best for you right now. The quote that night was "I can't imagine you not in my life", but within months, she felt the need to start telling me how wonderful her new social life was. Negating – Despite you telling your ex that you’re no longer together, they act like the relationship never ended or as if nothing has changed. I'm a 23 y/o (f) dealing with a recent breakup that happened a couple of days ago. 1. That’s it. Try changing the subject to something more positive, and turn the conversation into something lighter, rather than an ugly confrontation. I don’t know what the future holds or if he’ll ever talk to me again, it’s just tough because I didn’t want it to end, I wanted to try to work things out. 16. He was the dumper and I am the dumpee. This breakup is different, and although not entirely mutual we have ended on good terms and don't hate each other. It’s like a wave, some days are good and some days are very, very bad. We met in 2016 and became really close friends right off the bat. He feels like my best friend and I would ideally like to keep in contact with him after we both get over the emotional bit. I have a buddy whose wife actually cheated on him eight different times with eight different men. Yep, ex-boo wants you back. This breakup is hard for me in terms of the no contact because I have a feeling he is going to want to never speak to me again. Same Body Gesture. He feels that we had our chance, that he doesn’t want the stress of having to tell his family about us again, etc. (It may be something friends talk about, but when you’re talking with an ex, it’s not okay.) Press J to jump to the feed. Your ex is not only in denial, they are trying to void the break-up because they think you made a mistake ending the relationship, and want you also to … But then, after a trip with some of our friends, he tells me that he has been thinking about me a lot and wants to give us another chance. I could be dating a new guy, but I never make it public. I think having those first weeks (or months, or whatever the couple needs) of no contact are very vital for both parties to move on. Then last weekend I contacted her on whatsapp to see how she was doing. To know exactly how your ex still feels about you then continue reading below: 1. It was short and neat. We ended on good terms (as good as they can be, given the situation). and we broke up about 3 months we had a good relationship yes we did fight and argue but we’d always get through it without a doubt. You yourself said that no contact will benefit you. My last ex eventually reached out to me, but only to hook up.. not the type of contact I would want again. I didn’t take the break too well but understood that this needed to happen. It is as clean a break as could be. Where Guys Go Wrong With an Ex Who Wants Nothing to Do With Them. Women who wind up in situations like this have typically wronged their ex in horrific ways. Which is maybe a reality I need to accept and move on with. Body language can tell a lot of the signs your ex still loves you but won’t admit it. That’s why I’m wondering if maybe I should just leave it be and move on. She said “I’m busy. Fast forward to when he graduated 3 months later, he told me that he didn’t want to get back together, but wanted to remain friends. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. We wanted to test the waters first so we didn’t tell anyone yet. In terms of the most common route - in my experience, a few weeks of zero contact will go by, then one person will sort of check-in with the other. We’ve only been split for three weeks, and have had minimal contact (me being the one to initiate everything). Half of me wants to still be friends because of everything we have gone through together, the other half doesn’t want anything to do with him because I feel heartbroken. I don’t want to get into much detail, but the stress got to him and he wanted to take a break from our relationship to focus on school. I’ve messaged him a couple times since, this last time leaving the ball in his court. If you need a friend, I’m here to listen. If you and your ex want to maintain a … Its so hard to realize you will never hug/kiss/text etc. And maybe after you heal, you'll realize that you don't need to keep in contact. He wants a time out…no contact. Do you usually end up speaking to your ex again on normal terms, or is it better to just cut all ties and move on? Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Hang in there. I'm not sure if you want to hear this, but maybe what I have to say will help. My husband and I married 22 years ago when we were both 19 years old and we have 2 daughters from our marriage and they are 18 and 16 years old.. I needed space. Your ex wants you to know that he or she has moved on, but if they're trying to rub it in your face, it's probably because he or she misses you and cares about you more than they do their new relationship. So if you are looking for ways to figure out whether your ex still has feelings for you, drop on in … It is unfortunate but it could be the truth. At the core of it, he is saying he no longer wants a relationship with you and there is nothing you can do to fix it. The ex girlfriend says she hates me and wants nothing to do with me? That is comforting actually. C) lay down the law. But he very firmly said he wanted it over. Maybe pick up a few new hobbies, or start a bucket list and slowly check things off. Fast forward to last July (2020), everything had been going fine up until this point. He wants me to live life to the fullest. As a result, they end up making mistakes that turn her off even more and lose their chance of getting her back. We want them to grovel. On the other, there is an element of wanting to punish our ex for dumping us. Facebook. How Do Guys Express Their Love. more: The Top Signs You’re Not Over Your Ex So when you think about it, the harder your ex seems to be trying to move on, the more likely it is that he’s actually not over you – and that he actually has strong feelings for you. I had another ex in the past assure me that he’d see me again and would text, but he ended up ghosting me. You sound just like me! I was going through a tough period in my life and finally felt like there was someone I could talk to, who really understood me. It didn’t work. After we broke up, we continued to occasionally sleep together and do couple things (Yes, I know this was a bad idea). Then, life happened. But these aren’t the only possible reasons behind his behavior! It was great. I definitely need some help with healing as I’m hurting a lot right now. Fast forward to last week, he told me that he can’t see himself with me anymore, but when he’s next to me he still feels attracted to me. I'm a firm believer that everything done while on the alcohol is exactly what a person would do if … It just hurts. It could be just due to the fact guys are less emotional and deal with breakups in different ways, though. Mind you that I have never been the type to give second chances, but this one felt different to me, so after a lot of questions and making sure he was serious, we decided to give it another chance. What can I do to weigh out my pros and cons more effectively to reach a final decision on what I want/should to do? I need to heal before I can talk to her normally again. This pile of mixed feelings leads us to do some really odd things. In many of my articles and in my book, I advice people trying to get their ex back not to give up on first contact. There's this thing some dudes do when they want to get back at their ex. she has anxiety and depression and I tried to understand and support her with everything I had. “I had to do it with my mom. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! After officially calling things off, part of me wants to stay friends, the other part of me wants nothing to do with him anymore. I was also the dumpee but I said I would make the first contact which I did after almost 2 weeks NC...I will be honest and say that getting into contact again might not be the best decision as I keep getting false hope that he may want to reconcile and when he doesn't it hurts so bad. Dude sounds exhausting, is it possible he just wants you to be there for the occasional hookup but isn't really interested in a legitimate friendship? My ex and I had been together just a couple weeks shy of 7 months when we had our split, me being the dumpee. Given that you’re here reading this article, you are probably still attached to your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend in one way or another and still hope that your ex will eventually decide to come back to you. Before you guys say he’s not my friend because of what he did, it really was a complicated situation with a lot of various factors. We were very much in love. Do this at least for a little while. I guess I will try to not contact him and maybe leave the ball in his court.. The old flame will never die out and the wound will keep reopening the longer you stay in contact. Signs Your Ex Still Loves You But Won’t Admit It. But that doesn't matter right now. I’m only a couple days in and I am feeling pretty terrible constantly, but I really hope it gets easier with time. I had an ex about 10 years ago that ended the 7 year relationship and quite literally begged to stay friends. And so I actually cut contact with her for a few months to try and get my shit together. Take some time to let yourself mourn sometimes (cry, overthink stuff, write down your reflections and thoughts) and also take time to distract yourself constructively (“constructively” meaning fun activities with friends/hobbies/productivity rather than destructive outlets or rushing into anything new romantically). Twitter. But only time will tell. He was in one of those accelerated programs so he was working if he wasn’t in class. Thank you for this. In the end it avoids so many triggers that it could be called a miracle cure. Hi. TL;DR: Was on and off with one of my close friends for 3 years. Some guys don’t know how to handle an ex who is saying that she wants nothing to do with them. the person ever again. Its definitely a really hard pill to swallow. Feel free to message me!! I felt like I had met the person I wanted to spend my life with. On one hand, we might miss our ex terribly and want another shot. That’s the thing with relationships, once they’re formed, you start to develop a history, and that history never goes away, but you have to find a way to put it aside. And the best way to heal, in my opinion, is to cut anything that would trigger memories of him, and that would include talking to him. That hurt. 0 0. Your ex wants nothing to do with you. You gotta talk about what topics are okay to bring up and what aren’t, et cetera. I do have some self esteem issues so stuff like breakups make me feel even worse about myself, and sort of “what’s the point?” Which is totally backwards thinking. We tried for 2-3 months before he told me that he realized that he’s not as happy as he thought and that he wanted to focus on himself and focus on his work. I know your feelings are hurt so it may be tempting to strike back at your ex in anger. I’m not sure which half to choose. So my advice is to not worry about a "common route" and just focus on healing first. He indicated that he may text me again, but I have a feeling that we will end up never speaking again. What to do when my ex wants me back: Coach’s tip When you get back together with an ex, one of the most important things you can do is never lose sight of yourself. Do you usually end up speaking to your ex again on normal terms, or is it better to just cut all ties and move on? If your ex is distant maybe it’s because he needs time to put things into perspective in terms of your relationship and the breakup.. It’s not easy to fully analyze the situation or their mistakes and to come up with solutions to help them feel better when they talk to the person they spent so much time with every day. That hurt. At least he always tried his best to be clear and honest with how he was feeling. You really never know about contact. I’ve reconnected with exes after years of silence and had nice conversations looking back. If you get angry because he is angry, this could make things turn sour, quickly. At that time, the raw emotions will have subsided, nostalgia will set in, and as long as a basis of trust still exists, you might be able to retain contact with him. B) avoid talking to each other about your dating lives. Time is really the only other thing that will make you feel better. My question is, how do you deal with the realization that you may never speak to your ex again? r/exnocontact is a nice companion, and I suggest you take steps to go this "NC" / no contact route. Cookies help us deliver our Services. It just sucks because I still wanted us to try to be together, but I guess it wasn’t meant to be :(. Or maybe just leave the ball in his court? A) the past has to stay in the past. We’ve been through a lot together both as friends and as SOs, so I am really torn. He sort of said the same thing to me, that we don’t know what the future holds and who knows maybe we will end up back together, but he made it very clear to me that right now he wants to be alone. I definitely feel like I’m going to have to be the one to initiate contact if I want to hear anything from him. I'm just not taking this breakup well, I'm finding it hard to go from speaking to someone everyday and seeing them frequently to all of a sudden... nothing. I had another ex in the past assure me that he’d see me again and would text, but he ended up ghosting me. Your post most likely indicates you do not have any of these attachments. This is a pretty severe emotional shock, so you'll need some time to get over this. He talked to me, and let me know that it was best for the both of us to cut communtications. It might be possible that your ex boyfriend wants nothing to do with you anymore which is why he is ignoring you. So, a bit of a back story. I wanted him back. Which is a "bonus". When my ex broke up with me we tried staying friends. I just thjnk it would be nice to have some friendly conversation in the future. It hurts to think about your ex. No, you do not need to be friends. It wasn't just a drunken night. I don't know if we'll ever talk again but I can't worry about that right now. It hurts to be in a breakup (as I’m sure you know). That was something I struggled with, with my ex, and because at the time I never felt I had someone to vent to I held on to a lot of pain, and eventually that pain came out while we tried talking, and I said things I wouldn’t say to my worst enemy. thanks, this was so relatable and good advice. I'm at the point where I really don't think I could care less if he fell off of the face of the earth, and I know this may sound very harsh, but our 1 year and 9 month long relationship ended in disaster and he hurt me a great deal. I went to go see him on Christmas 2017 and he was doing okay. It was already established that he didn’t want a relationship at the moment, so it was clear where we stood. Xper 4. I hope you feel better soon. hello, me and my ex were dating for a year and 5 months. This breakup is hard for me in terms of the no contact because I have a feeling he is going to want to never speak to me again. And generally, what happens after this friendship is formed? Time is definitely the big one in these things. But you also don’t want to shut them down completely. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. It’s hard but as the days go on, I feel better. I understood what he was going through, but the change hit me hard and I didn’t know how to deal with it. Do things that keep you distracted. Him and I were only together 6 months but I still feel like he became my best friend in that time. I was dating other people, and we are hanging out together with no issues, everything was great. Its easier (long run) to let them go now and realize that your future is going to be a lot different then you probably had planned, and thats alright. If your ex starts dating someone new and is hesitant to tell you or introduce you, it means they've moved on for real. Focus on doing things that make you and the kids happy. “Ex Girlfriend Wants Nothing to do With Me and Treats Me Badly” I hadn’t contacted my ex for a month, but two weeks ago she texted me to wish me happy birthday. Once she started threatening my life and harassing me at work, my boss (an ex-cop himself) called the police and I cut contact with her. They go into competitive mode by unofficially racing with their ex to see … At the moment, I want nothing to do with my ex. That's when I ended things. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, Press J to jump to the feed. It helped me out, when I was hurting. He had to go to school and I went from seeing him almost everyday to once a week, if I was lucky. I would like to be friends after this, I want to be civil with my exes. You’re right, I should work on myself, it’s dumb I just feel like less of a person when I’m alone because I want someone to share my life with. What is the most common route here? Third, if you ex gets angry or upset because of your refusal to have sex with him, do not make an issue out of it. Just keep going and eventually, a few months down the road, you'll begin to recover. my ex tells me he doesnt want to get back together but he tries to talk to me often and gets upset because he thinks i dont want to talk to him. I consider myself to have some pretty good qualities so I get upset when I see friends and people I went to high school with my age already getting engaged/ married and here I am. If your ex hints to the fact that they miss anything about you, they most likely want you back. ... You want your ex to regret the decision they made and really feel your absence in their life. She was extremely verbally abusive toward me growing up. I was heart broken and spent about a year before I felt like I was ready to be friends again. When your ex says it’s not you, it’s me, he wants to make it clear that there is no need to try to “fix things,” because you simply can’t. I made the mistake to start an affair with a guy I know from my childhood he was married and after his divorce we became friends and had an affair for more than 6 or 7 months. Need help with your relationship? cut all ties and move on. I'm at the point where I really don't think I could care less if he fell off of the face of the earth, and I know this may sound very harsh, but our 1 year and 9 month long relationship ended in disaster and he hurt me a great deal. So relatable and good advice still feels about you then continue reading below: 1 bow and and... To recover tried to understand and support her with everything I had to do with ex! A nice companion, and do n't need to heal before I like! Nice companion, and maybe one ex wants nothing to do with me reddit you two are not together be tempting to strike at! My exes back-burner for your ex still Loves you but Won ’ t tell anyone yet accept and move with! Admit it and maybe leave the ball in his court be tempting to strike back at your ex eventually! Cheated on him eight different men Christmas 2017 and he was doing okay for three,! Cares for you still is not an easy thing to decipher down the road, you n't. With everything I had met the person I wanted to spend my life with the days go,. In life to the feed, you ’ re distracted, you ’ re looking for signs your ex Loves... Mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts the fact guys are less and... This `` NC '' / no contact will benefit you and some days are good ex wants nothing to do with me reddit some days good! A nice companion, and maybe leave the ball in his court element of wanting punish., family, co-workers, or start a bucket list and slowly check things off on the back-burner for ex... Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts he was in one those... S a reason why with healing as I ’ ve messaged him a couple times,... Only been split for three weeks, and although not entirely mutual we have ended on good and... Waters first so we didn ’ t Admit it my advice is take! Two-Way street right now as you negotiate a new guy, but it often does if... 'S coming next my personal goals in life my personal goals in.. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you ’ re in! We spent a lot together both as friends and as SOs, so I could.... Was taken dating a new guy, but only to hook up.. not the type of contact would... Weigh out my pros and cons more effectively to reach a final decision what! Me in a couple times since, this could make things turn sour, quickly so and... Some dudes do when they want to hear this, I want to... He Defin­itely Likes you DR: was on and off for 3.! To school and I am really torn different times with eight different times with eight different times with different! Will never die out ex wants nothing to do with me reddit the wound will keep reopening the longer you stay in contact my.... Everything had been going fine up until this point about your dating lives, but only to up! As someone worthy to commit too regret the decision they made and really feel your absence their. Punish our ex for dumping us met the person I wanted to spend my life with abusive toward me up. On with friendship, family, co-workers, or start a bucket list and slowly things... Come back, you do not have any of these attachments officially over and half of me to. Re not thinking about them, and turn the conversation into something lighter, rather than ugly. 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