Then when I beg for what I think is just a little bit more respectful behavior he gets angry and tells me that I am a rotten person and that there is nothing good to me at all, and that she is better than me and he goes on tells me my parents hate me and are ashamed of me from heaven. Mind you, this is the same guy that a few months ago was taking about moving in, marriage, wanting to take trips with me, etc. To properly impress and re-attract an ex woman, you have to talk to her on a phone call or in person so she can experience the changes in you. Is she really touchy-feely with your boyfriend? I told him we could … My job here is to create a compelling story that my ex is going to want to hook into or respond to. But then I said to him I did change those things that he was not comfortable with why was it hard for him to do the same and he said that I was asking too much because that's his ex-wife and a good friend of his and he's more comfortable talking to her than with me. If you don't like that he talks to his ex, and he refuses to stop by his own choice, then you can break up with him. I’ve heard of stories of people successfully getting back together after 2, 3, and even 5 years. I … I went on a first date for dinner with a man I had only known a short time. I'm extremely paranoid and suffer from bad anxiety so it's had for me not to make up scenarios in my head about what is going on or what could go on. Anyways, I happened to get a really funny question and it stuck with me enough to write about it here. So, let’s assume that you sent a first contact text message to your ex boyfriend after not seeing or talking to each other in a very long time. It’s ingenious and I have to give Veronica all the credit in the world on this one. But still it kind of confuses me why they are so so close. If you find it difficult to speak about your ex without going on a long tirade, bursting into tears or shutting down completely, take that as a sign that you’re not ready to be pals. And we didn’t exactly end on good terms. Can his love for me really disappear completely when he cared so much about me? And you’re absolutely right about me keep focusing on the past. My bf onlt told me the next day. Simply talking to them won’t do the trick. Eventually, I got fed up and told him that in order to get serious with me, he needed to cut her out of his life, because it was affecting our relationship and made me feel incredibly insecure. We’re you always having problems about him going out? The last contact was about 4 years ago, when he had to send me one last form, and did so in an envelope addressed to "Occupant." Therefore, this first contact text message is going to revolve around skydiving. I basically teach people a “value chain” for getting their ex back. And that’s how you are going to overcome this weirdness, with words. A funny thing happened a few weeks ago when I was fielding questions for my podcast. I just replied to his yesterday’s question with a “just guess”. That means a person who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship that you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least have a mutual depth of love and desire for one another. Depending on how invested a woman was with a guy – and her state of mind and health, it can be a quick progression through emotional stages like sadness, desperation, anger, and acceptance, or it can be those things over and over again with a little bit of ‘going insane’ … later: 1. Yes, I will agree that there is an optimum way to act in “ex recovery” but oftentimes that pails in comparison to someone who has actually gone out and made something of themselves during their time apart. I want to wait a few months before I contact him but it is currently on my mind non stop. You want to get your ex boyfriend back after not talking to him once in a total of four months. Is it weird that my boyfriend still talks about his ex to me? Figuring out how to talk to an ex again after a breakup can be the key to getting back with him/her. Which of these couples do you think has a better chance of getting back together? he's said he wants to be friends and replies to my texts but i am took scared to call. (Granted, it could still happen.). Doesn't open doors, say thankyou when I've made an effort to drive the children for a meet. He has blocked me on fb at first month . If you were together for a very long time and you break up, you may need to extend this to six weeks. i went thru the same situation last year, yet today, im over it, not over her.. im mentally exausted after we went back together and was a on and off and i decided it was time to let her go.. anyway, going back to the bday issue.. i remember that i went to a bar that day, and started drinking at 11am debating whether to call her or not. This ties directly into my exes feelings and it’s kind of a sweet thing to say. “Words have a magical power. This point was proven in my most recent interview with Neil Sattin. If your ex is distant maybe it’s because he needs time to put things into perspective in terms of your relationship and the breakup.. It’s not easy to fully analyze the situation or their mistakes and to come up with solutions to help them feel better when they talk to the person they spent so much time with every day. Suppose me and my ex haven’t texted or talked for 7 long months butjust spy each other on WhatsApp,Instagram and facebook. At a certain point, mid-meal...as he still chatted away about "lovely Lydia".....I cleared my throat and said, "Excuse me for a moment, please?" He is still talking with his ex, and there is no possibility that they will rekindle their relationship. Besides, I think it really plays into this idea of “dating yourself.” By focusing on the holy trinity you are focusing on yourself and doing things that are going to ultimately make you feel good about yourself. But before I start diving into that I think we need to define our goal. Engaged after eight months, married a year later. Frankly, I had reached the point of disbelief.....the thoughts going through my head were on the order of...."This guy has to be smoking crack...what the HELL is he thinking?!". He said that he's not lying nor not cheating. There's no way to know. After reading this article and while reading it getting a private call (most likely from my ex), I decided to share my story. What does his ex mean to him? But then at another time he saw that all my Facebook friends and on messenger again he got mad and told me that there were some people that were not acceptable to for me to talk to or Facebook so I went ahead and took them off. But boy, I was wrong about the content. I cannot believe he would hurt me like this. I understand. She called him to help her out on things. She asked me how she should react to her old flame contacting her again, and I gave her … This doesn't mean that you should blame your boyfriend for feelings of jealousy that you might have. We still talked for a month because he wanted to figure things out, then I decided to do NC after he decided he didn’t want to get back together. Dating yourself is kind of what it sounds like. Essentially it’s a scenario where you haven’t talked to your ex in a very long time and there doesn’t seem to be any chance of success. In unambiguous situations like those, you might just want to kick the guy to the curb. quick update, I used FB to initiate first contact with him just a few hours ago (this is usually our main source of communication bc we never cross paths even though living in the same city), my heart pounded as I took like 5 minutes to decide whether to hit Enter. This works as immediately everyone stops what they are doing and turns their attention to you. I know it's just the beginning, there will be more obstacles to get through in the future, I hope I can still maintain this solid state of mind i'm having right now that keeps me going. We still talked for a month because he wanted to figure things out, then I decided to do NC after he decided he didn’t want to get back together. Ashley, and her ex boyfriend went through a breakup in college where he completely cut her out of his life as he moved overseas. There are days when I felt alright, happy and all that I thought “this is it, this is the day I got my life under control”, but the next day the pain returned. I’ve been practicing my driving skill and about to sign up for a boxing class, remembering how he loves independent girls who know how to drive and used to encourage me to take driving lessons. or will this push him away? Okay so me and my ex were together for two and a half years. Please help – I am so angry and sad. ... that she would be marrying him eventually, so they decided to just go ahead and do it. After a breakup, Bird said, some people just need “an emotional cutoff and want to remove all evidence of their ex from their life.” To respond or to ignore: That is the question Know that you have every right to ignore a text from your ex — especially if replying will put your mental health or safety in jeopardy. So, if you’ll recall there are four main components to a perfect first contact text message. There were together 5 or 6 years ago. He talks to her several times a week, not sure who initiates the calls. Oh, and one of the things you’ll learn about in PRO is the fact that you need to constantly leave your ex wanting more. But there’s something about me that you don’t know. He lives a couple hours away from and the picture was of him somewhere in the city near me. I’ll give you an example, whenever I am lucky enough to get a success story from a visitor of this website I look into why that person succeeded and it really boils down to one thing, timing. And when you spend that much time focused on breakups you start picking up on the patterns that work versus the patterns that don’t work. He texted me once in late January, sending me a random article about my college, but I didn’t answer because I was still heartbroken and confused on this random message. We are older so their are NO kids involved. This may be the most important question that you ask as you commit yourself to this process. She had a huge crush on him long before I met him, and she resented me and kept checking up on him throughout our relationship (2 1/2 years) to see if he was available. How he didn’t take care of himself. First he did do some of it but I found out he was lying to me by still posting things and hiding it from me, then I found out he has bank account with her he says he has it because if in case his son needs anything but I have also seen him use it for other reasons. And all he did was laugh with her. You live off fantasy . I responded and said something like, hope you're doing well, that implied I didn't want to talk. And remaining pals may seem like the mature, evolved thing to do. At the most, 2-2.5 months is how long the no-contact phase should go. He said “I don’t want us to argue so often. Eventually, he told me he wasn't over her, and I was devastated that he led me on. When we finally open ourself to each other we started dating like a year. They have kids together and have to talk often about custody issues. If that's the case, then be my guest. He told me the next day, on top of that he told me his ex gf did give him some hugs, trying to be touchy. Required fields are marked *. I caught my boyfriend talking to his ex twice now and his excuse was I knew you would get mad and the second time was I forgot to tell to you because I was to busy so I didn’t bother telling you. It's possible that he just likes the other women he has dated and that there's no hanky-panky. Unanticipated, unasked, over five years later. If your boyfriend keeps getting texts from his ex, take note of his reaction. The first thing I want to explain to you is the fact that most women in your situation make a massive mistake when they come to the realization that they want to get their exes back after a long time apart. He says its perfectly ok and it doesn't bother him that she spends a lot of time trashing me. After 1 month i took whatsapp and tried out a test to see whether he has my number, to my surprise he did, as i can see his private profile. Think carefully about what you've learned and the best way to proceed. I normally just suffer in silence when I hear from folks that USED to be my friends who say they don't want to talk to me because she said this or that. So what do you make of this? The last thing he said was that he knew I wasn’t being myself and to know he doesn’t judge me (from first and last fight we had where I acted needy af and caused drama)I told him to reach out if he ever wanted to chat…obviously he never did. After years of trying to heal from what happened with us. Despite that she eventually got back on talking terms with him and they remained friends for years to come. But once i got more proof he just laughed at me and later admitted to it. Does that count. At that time i was not on whatsapp. We broke up twice. Nshanga Becky The Lawyer on June 01, 2018: I just met this guy eight months now but I have failed to know what he really wants because he says he loves me and he does everything for me but then he still talks and meets his exs(he has more than 5 and he is still in touch with them), One day I asked him about it and he told me that they are just friends but I feel insecure, This is the first guy I have loved but what he does really hurts me. Seriously, explaining everything you have to do would take me that long. This gave them time to be alone and contemplate if being together was right for them. I caught my boyfriend talking to his ex twice now and his excuse was I knew you would get mad and the second time was I forgot to tell to you because I was to busy so I didn’t bother telling you. Has he really forgotten about me?? What does this mean? A few months ago I did a podcast episode deconstructing the perfect first contact text message. This article has been viewed 108,666 times. Honestly, that’s all there is to this component. My name is Gianna and its been 4 months since the brekup. Watch out. … This is going to sound really weird and make me sound like I am an old man but I have been doing this for half a decade! Question: My boyfriend is always communicating with his ex, even though I forbid him. Well, this idea of “timing” can also be applied to getting an ex back. They got engaged three days after a first date. Its been 3 half months now and i dont know what to do. Your ex won’t make grand gestures if he wants you back, so it’s worth talking about what to look for when your ex wants you back. He asked me if I would give him the opportunity to say them to me. Because I know it’s something that she was obsessed about and would be responsive to. Ask him why his ex is getting in touch. - Reddit user nosilla92 In that case, maybe the fire between them has cooled off enough that they can legitimately be friends without any drama. I found the last yearbook saying "I am not sure if you really like me from your actions" and he fell for it thinking he did. Then, a week ago, he lied about going out and drinking and we had plans the following day. 9:50pm: “kay, i’m about to hit the sheet so just gonna make it short, i’ll tell more when there’s more time available. It’s ok..follow your gut just don’t over do and always end at high note..you’re welcome! He was the one who got dumped and still carries a torch for her. And I was not able to find the problem with our relationship. Lost a lot of weight. No response after I snapchatted him back. I just feel like it’s a bit dodgy considering he has a thing with me and is really close to another girl, espiecally his ex. That's up to him. However, I want you to simultaneously do something else. So instead, I suggest the following: 1. He started going out with one girl posted her on fbook June 10 now he’s met another girl & is posting her all over fbook & saying she’s the one. He was in another life now, and yet he was calling me to tell me he was sorry. How long have your boyfriend and his ex been apart? I’m scared that I may not have a chance because we havent talked for a long time, but this girl he might be dating lives so far away so I’m hoping I do? 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